Are you listening?
Tune up your ears to realize business success

By Sylvia A. Thorpe

Wow! Did you know that 40 percent to 80 percent of the regular business day is spent in listening? Not only that – most people remember only 25 percent to 50 percent of what they think they heard, according to studies from the University of Minnesota. How come? Partly because people can listen a lot faster (275-500 words per minute) than others can speak (125-150 words per minute), so the mind is wandering. And partly because we are focused on me rather than on thee.

The Sperry Corporation estimated in the early 1990s that simple listening mistakes cost the business world millions of dollars annually in botched projects, delayed response time and sales. Add to that the number of dissatisfied clients who leave attorneys, doctors and financial advisers because they feel they were not listened to.
Think you already know how to listen? Like, “you talk, I’ll listen, and then I talk, and you listen.” It’s not just politely waiting until the other person is finished talking, all the time thinking about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to prove your point. Listening is really a two-way discovery process where both parties learn more than when they started out. Because of such listening both people are now poised to make an important decision. Now that is phenomenal, and it is the core of successful communication at work and at home.
When you really listen, you put yourself in the other person’s shoes and hear – impartially – what they have to say. You suspend judgment and disbelief, and you participate in a conversation with them about what they are saying. You also take the time to understand their point of view and how they are feeling about it. Why? Because if you don’t engage in this two-way exchange the decisions, offers or requests you make to them may either not make sense or not be acceptable; worst still, they may be incorrect. And if you do engage in it you will learn something new about the person, and probably about the market trends in general, and they will be ready to learn something about you and what you want them to do or buy.
But you have to really listen to them first. Some business experts, like David Chalk of Vancouver, B.C., say that listening is one of the three keys to business success. He was a jet pilot at age 19 and owned one of the first computer stores in B.C., never mind being dyslexic. Chalk said, “The one thing you have to change if you really want to be successful is how you listen. Listen to understand, not just for a chance to interrupt. Listen with empathy. Empathy is the magic that we never think about. It comes from listening.”
The other two keys are attitude and integrity. Empathy is loaning yourself to someone else so you can be in their shoes for a moment, and it provides the necessary link to know how to word your message so they receive it.

Who’s listening, and how?
Let’s take a look at specific occupations. Remember the difference between “selling” and “telling”? Some sales people are great at articulating their sales pitch but often interrupt or do not pay close attention in the critical moments of the selling process. They are paying more attention to what they will say rather than to what the potential prospect is telling them. As a result they lose more sales than their schmoozin’ colleagues who may know more about how to ‘visit’ than they do about the product. The latter genuinely care about their clients, and they go out of their way to help them.
Doctors, who, pressed by so many circumstances, may ask what the problem is and already have the solution before the patient has spoken for more than a few minutes. Some 10 yrs ago a report by the Christian Medical and Dental Society found that doctors listened for less than 60 seconds before formulating a plan of action. While this unfortunate statistic is not true for all doctors, bedside manner is not only essential for the patient to feel like he or she is truly being taken care of in a vulnerable time but also to make an accurate diagnosis and effective treatment plan. Medical schools like the University of Washington are now teaching listening skills in addition to the usual patient interview questions.
Attorneys. Now this is a situation where you want to make sure everybody’s on the same page – long before you wind up in the courtroom. Most clients enter an attorney’s office under significant stress, such that it can be difficult to sort the facts from the feelings. Even if the attorney is technically very competent as well as intelligent, without sensing the spoken and unspoken emotions and responding appropriately to them the legal problem can be misunderstood. The flow of conversation – and the crucial details that can emerge only when one feels that someone is truly listening – is stopped, and the client becomes less of a team mate. The State Bar of Texas suggests 3 Rs for good listening by attorneys: (1) Rappport - talking and listening in such a way that the client feels both understood and important, (2) Respect - valuing the client as a person no matter how naïve, unwise, etc. the decisions/situation may be, (3) Relationship - connecting with the client as a fellow human being and not just a source of income or reputation.
Call centers? An interesting study from Massachusetts Institute of Technology found that the most successful operators, i.e. those that sold the most product, were the ones who spoke little and listened a lot. When they did speak their voices fluctuated strongly in amplitude and pitch, reflecting the customer’s interest and responsiveness to the product.
My occupation as a clinical psychologist is almost totally about listening. I have no other tools, really. Not unlike a police officer or a sheriff’s deputy, even though they carry a weapon. There is no more powerful tool than listening with the head and the heart. And this is true for you, too, whether you are a supervisor, employee, entrepreneur, CEO or elected official.

Listen up
So, here are some keys for listening well:
• Focus on the other person, not on yourself
• Listen empathically. What are they saying?
• Don’t multitask while you’re listening
• Pay 100 percent attention, make mental/actual notes
• Make eye contact, ask questions, show genuine interest
• Don’t interrupt, sneer, argue or pre-judge
• Do listen, just plain listen
• Create a climate of respect and safety
• Listen for key words, phrases, ideas
• When emotions are intense or when trust has been lost, suspend your agenda and loan yourself to them
• Watch body language, yours and theirs
• Repeat what they tell you; ask relevant questions
• Demonstrate genuine interest in what they are saying
• Make sure they have finished their story before you
shift into problem-solving gear
• Don’t think about what you’re going to say next
• Keep them talking, you learn more
• Follow up

You’ll get your turn. Just wait. Listening is a two-way deal. It’s also a discipline.